what did i ever do to them?

My husband is seven years my senior.  That would make him 55.  For the past several years, when an AARP mailing would arrive for him, I have delighted in grabbing it, waving it high in the air, and announcing – pretty much so the entire neighborhood could hear – “Honey!  There’s some mail for you!”  I get a not-so-secret thrill out of that.

But yesterday, the tables turned.  That’s right.  Yesterday the AARP mailing had MY name on it.  And Doug promptly grabbed it, waived it high in the air and announced “Honey!  There’s some mail for you!”  I knew, immediately, what it was.  I know him and I know that he has been waiting for this day.

Of course, I needed to see it with my own eyes.  I snatched  the envelope out of his hand, and there it was in black and white.  Kimberlee Rossi.  They even spelled my name right, which really pissed me off.  No one spells my name right.  Why the hell would they waste postage, not to mention paper, on sending anything to me?  Where do they get their information?  Don’t they know I’ve got, like, 607.5 days until I’m even eligible?  Why the hell are they pushing the issue?  What did I ever do to them?

Out of curiosity – and after a good 24 hours of sitting with it – I opened the envelope.

The f*ckers sent me a membership card!  AN AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF RETIRED (read “old”) PERSONS MEMBERSHIP CARD!  They invited me “register… now!” so I could hurry-up and “make the most of life over 50!”  Really thoughtful of them, and everything, but no thanks.  I’m really tied up at the moment, making the most out of life under 50.

Of course I posted this milestone moment on my Facebook page.  Four friends chimed in.  Three were friends over 50 whose comments included: “Downhill from here, mon ami.  I get them monthly these days,” “Card carrying member” and “Mine goes directly into the recycle bin.”  These guys seemed to have already come to terms with the TOTAL assault of getting mail – GETTING A MEMBERSHIP CARD – from AARP.  Me?  F*ck no.

Thankfully, the fourth comment got me off the ledge – for now.  This came from my very fabulous friend, Kate, who is not only 30 (!) but is also is about the hippest, sassiest, most stylish girl you’ll ever meet.  She wrote “I get AARP mailings. And I have, for about 3 years now.  I am 30 years old!!!  They have no idea who is old enough or not!”  I love her.

I’m still processing…

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